When Memories Hurt....

Some time, some things just leave you sad, even more so than you already feel. 

Today, one of my mom's very old friend came all of a sudden to visit her. She had lost contact with mom. Today, she came looking for her. I had a vague memory of her as last I saw her was about 25 years ago. She had also changed a bit now. Age had hit her too but not that much. I told her about mom and she was taken aback by the news. She wanted to leave but I asked her to come inside and sit for some time. We sat for around 2 hours. So many things she mentioned about mom. If you don't know my mom, she was just so well respected everywhere. She was just so good and I am not saying cos she is my mom. She gave her the best. She used to go to a different city and had to reach at 8am. She would wake up at 4am, get everything done and she would reach on time. Same she inculcated in me as well. I am not even 1% of how good mom was. Aunty cried so much remembering her. After so long she came and she couldn't see her even last time. 

After she left, I really wanted to have something cooked by mama. She used to make allu paranthas for me every Sunday. I would get the first spoon of the mix from her and then she would make the paranthas. So wanted to have but of course, it didn't happen, it can't happen. 

I am writing this and it's so damn hard to say "was" for mom. I had deleted "is" so many times to replace it by "was". 

Just like I heard the term "story" for the post that I wrote for mom, I am sure, for almost all, all these things that I am saying don't make any sense, they are just mere "stories" only for most. For some, mentioning these is probably playing a victim card cos they think anything sad said by others is just that only. You get so mad at those people whom you hear say, very easily, main kya bolun(oh what do I say), or , oh please, don't cry now, cos they don't understand, how much sad actually one is! At times it's not possible to be expressed even cos words won't do any justice. Of course, people are very busy and that's why they can't take a pause and think that tears don't understand logics. Those who really can understand these emotions, this pain,  such people are just a handful, or actually even lesser. Only those who truly understand pain, can feel this sadness and really  understand that some time, when you think of a small thing too, it reminds you of so many memories. Those memories hurt so much and leave you just so sad, in tears. For the rest, it's just a story, drama, a damn card etc. etc. But when you wake up and open your eyes, realizing that your mom and dad are no longer there, you are an orphan now, it really hurts so much. This void of not seeing your parents , not ever able to get to see them, hear from them, it breaks you every single time when this realization hits you. People probably think or say how weak, but they don't realize that certain pains one only will truly understand when it's faced on their own. Some don't say anything, some just say, come on don't cry, or say something absolutely silly that doesn't even make any sense (yes people do that too), but whatever it is, it's very easy to give advises or to be a mere spectator. But unfortunately, tears and cries are oblivious to all such things. Like I said few times before, it's very easy to laugh at someone's tears or tag them as drama or weakness but it's very hard to understand the pain behind those tears. It's very hard to say nothing and sit beside down till the tears are dried up. Everyone cries over their own pains, their sorrows and troubles as this world is a busy and solo place. But very very few do such a thing like crying along with/for others. Very very few, feel others pains,  and fit in agenda of their busy lives such acts.

Memories serve very important purpose. But at times, memories hit harder than reality and leave you sad, even more so than you already are.