What A Day.....

 It's not going well today. I have been in a very bad mood since morning. Though I have been angry from last few days, but  right now, I am just so furious. Even though I have just heard that it's a usual affair of mine to be and remain angry, I still shall say, I really am so angry right now.   I won't mention the first reason here. For the second, I got this today. 

It's an email sent to me by my 2nd instructor, who taught me Oracle long back when I  joined(and later taught there as well) an institute. It was the most exclusive institute in the entire state and people still take it's name with a LOT of respect. I was the first and the only student over there who was offered job and who later joined as full time faculty. And it was a matter of great pride as there were queues of people always to join there but the team didn't hire just like that. I am not sure what they saw in me but I shall always be thankful and humbled that they offered me that job, even when I was still doing my course. Anyways, going back in the time, so I joined as a student. Here is a pic of that time, with the person who sent this email.

I am not sure why but I wasn't really liked by him. I don't know what was  the issue but somehow, he never considered me a friend, even when I joined later as a team member. May be it was due to the fact that I asked a lot of questions when I was studying. And I kept asking till I won't get the answer. Some of you who know me beyond this web space, must be nodding your heads saying that yeah, this guy makes our lives hell as well, speaks a hell lot, got no chill and just keeps on ranting. Yeah I guess so.  My bad, may be in next life, I shall be better, but right now, that's how I am. Of course,  I am sure all are better than me, can't do a damn thing about it. Anyways, back to him being pissed off with me cos I used to have a lot of queries. More than all in the entire place. And I didn't ask just him, I asked every other instructor too. And yeah, that brought a bad name for me as I was told, instructors were scared that I may come out of nowhere and ask something. The same happened in another institute where I was  studying before. One senior instructor, who later became my colleague told me that when she used to have lunch in the cafeteria, most of the instructors would start preparing their lectures before going to sessions which I would attend.  But I said to her, said to this guy in the pic(removed) and I am saying here too, I hadn't asked any question to bother anyone.  I asked cos I really wanted to know, understand what I was studying. I had no ill-will in my mind nor I thought I am better than anyone. Heck, I didn't know a damn thing. How could I be better than those who were teaching me? I never mentioned, I went to a guy for a week at his place. Literally begged him to teach me Oracle cos he said he knew and after 7 days, making me stand at his door(yeah literally) he said, he has no time. Then I joined that institute. A lot of people keep saying that they have seen life. I am sure. But trust me, when I say this, I have seen life in humiliation, I actually mean it. This instructor who became my colleague, her brother one day, when I went to her house to wish her on 40th birthday, he mocked me saying that those who has name Aman are just so egoistic. He was (probably) referring to another Aman whom we(me and that instructor), she and had I had a tussle with. But he said all that looking at me, with that smirk on his face. I still remember it. I was standing there, with the damn bucket in my hand and I was looking at her face. I used to touch her feet and here she was standing there , speaking nothing when her brother was saying all that. So I came back, and after that, I didn't speak with her, till date and I won't speak with her ever now. So if I am angry, I am not naïve to be angry. I may not have a lot of sense or I don't know how to behave or I am way too sentimental or may be I bother a lot, or may be all the things and some more. I don't know. The way I am mostly at work, where a decorum needs to be maintained, I am very tough, matter of fact and I speak what I need to speak. I won't talk anything that's not related to the work, not even ask or tell you what's the weather out there. But if I am not like that with someone, then yes certain things hurt. And at that time, there is no chill that I can have. 

Coming back to this guy, one day, he literally stopped me and asked that why I had asked someone else when he explained something to me in the session. I replied that I didn't understand one point, that's why. He was so mad. Later when I joined the place, had my students scored the best, even then, we never really had a close time. That pic was taken by a common friend when we all were at the terrace of that building. He later got married, did invite all but me. Then he went to Australia. And we lost touch, not that we were talking always but whatever the minimal talk, we had, it also stopped. Now, he sent an email asking to help his cousin to find job. And saw the "author" in my email profile. And that's why that remark," what is that author thing". This brought all the memories when he mentioned to someone, this guy(Aman) rides too high on his horse, not really going to do much cos of his nature. I am not sure what high horse I ride over. A lot of people perceive that cos in my professional work/life, I am not someone who really goes into the fun mode or friendship mode. I shall smile, I shall talk. But I am not there to show how I am when I see rain or when I have something that I like or how it feels when someone says, people with name Aman are full of ego. That's my own space and in the session, that's not what I am there to discuss. So if I appear like high nose brat, then so be it. I still touch feet of that person who taught us first class of Oracle. I don't make a noise of saying that I still respect him so much. And out of all who were present in that institute, I helped all who came to me for the prep of the exams. Every single one who came to me, I sat for hours and I never said, hey look how great I am. Did I plan to write books? No, I didn't . I am full of gratitude that I got the chance. That's all, I got lucky.

Anyways, life went on. I am still doing IT job and some say, I know a thing or two about Oracle database. He left IT and became a cab driver at Australia. Yeah. And that other guy who made me run for 7 days, later sat in my class in that same institute where I became an instructor. He never did say a word except the usual good day, never asked a question even. I didn't stop him but he never did.  

What a day it turned out to be, damn it! 

Edit: I have removed the picture. If you read it before, there was a pic. But I decided not to keep it anymore.