A Gloomy Day....

 It's been a day of hearing heart wrenching news. I got a message from one of my friends who is also works in a very senior position that she has lost her mother. A while ago, it was her dad that she had lost. Another friend I messaged to check his well being. He lost his dad 17 years ago. Still, even after all these years, the pain, the sadness was just that. 

Then the news came of demise of legendary Punjabi singer Sardool Sikander. He has been one of the most renowned singers, came from a very esteemed musical clan. That news struck as a jolt. All of his songs are so so good- saadian paran to sikhi uddna,  teeran da ki karna , nazran ton gir gayi ,tera likh du safedian te naa ,maut v ni aauni ,jinna de roop ne sohne. One of his songs that I made my mom listen to a lot was 

This was one of my favorite songs. Sardool sang this song from Heer's perspective that how she is saying that she won't leave her Ranjha at any cost. Song's first line is that Heer says, that she will live in poverty with Ranjha but she won't go with anyone else. Her love with Ranjha is till her last breath. If you don't understand Punjabi, it's going to be hard to follow it's true meaning but it's a beautiful song. Such a great singer and this freaking pandemic has swallowed him, too soon-Sardool was just 60. Somone sent a video where Sardool's wife, Noorie was just so broken. To say she was inconsolable, will be just an amenity. Their marriage was a love marriage. To see her crying, shrieking- it was just so painful. Don't know when tears came in my eyes too. 

Finally, few days ago, I did write a post and shared a video of Karan Aujla where he broke into tears remembering his parents. If you haven't seen that video, here it is. 

Since I saw that video, I was recommended by the algorithm of YouTube, another video of Karan. That video is also where Karan broke in tears. It's the first episode of some show that is started and it seems that the producers called Karan in it. I found the full episode and here it is, 

Thought the interview, in general is on a lighter note and Karan did answer all the questions in a jovial manner. But watch the portion from 5:00-16:50. There are so many things that Karan and especially his sisters, who both are elder to him, said. I wish I can put that entire transcript translated and put here as there are just so many things in that portion. Karan said, it was so difficult to be at his sister's homes. If you have ever been to a relative's home, in a sad mood, for more than few hours, only then you will understand that even thought, it's your sister/brother, how hard it is to stay there. How he remembers poking elbow in his father's belly. His sisters told how Karan looks just like their dad and how it feels to them, when they see Karan, that they are looking at their father only. One of the most painful things that one of Karan's sister said that there is this constant pain in the heart when they see that others have their parents and we, three see that our parents are no more. It was just so painful to hear and I know, I exactly know how true it is. It's not about wishing any ill-will for someone else's parents but it hurts, it hurts so damn much when you turn around and see, your mom and dad are not there. In the previous video, Karan said something which translates to, now I am forgetting their faces even. And he was just so broken saying that. If you think that he has forgotten his parent's faces, no he didn't mean that. What he meant was those times, those moments where he was with his parents, those talks, they are getting slowly faded from memory. He is 23 now and he was 11 when he lost his mom. Of course, you remember your parents faces all your life, but some moments, keep getting buried under the dust of the on-going life of yours. Jus so sad it was to see him crying, his sisters crying and above all, them missing their parents. 

I always say, a lot of us presume what is pain, what are hard times, what is grief and of course, what's death. Many of us actually do know that too. But the fraction of those people is very less. Most don't know how certain things hurts. Unless one hasn't faced that trauma, hasn't been unfortunate to live through that pain, that loss, it's so hard to understand why tears at times don't stop. Why you stop crying for a moment and next moment, you are in tears again. It's very difficult to truly fathom certain things. In a fraction of moment, your whole world, as you knew it, changes. I still remember how I was listening to a song in my hotel room when I got call from my mom. She or dad never called at midnight. So getting that call itself was a Red signal. When I picked up the call and heard mom screaming, I knew that this night and coming days, will be so different. I still remember stepping at Banglore airport and only one person knows how I loathe going to Banglore, stepping in that airport. Same happened when doctor came out and told that there is no beat, I am sorry. I didn't collapse on that steel settee. I just sat there trying to understand what he said and what it meant! This time, the world that I had left with me, was not just changed but was just shattered, in millions of pieces. In a room nearby, mom was there but I didn't have the strength to go and see her. And she wasn't there too actually, she had left. True that no one dies with the dead, but the fact is, those are left behind, their life doesn't remain any better anymore.  How painful it is to see those things which you handpicked for your parents, to see them smile, to make them feel proud and all of a sudden, you don't have your mom, dad with you anymore, it's so hard to put in words. World sees you in a very different way. People pass a lot of piercing remarks. They give you suggestions under the pretext of care but internally, they want to see ruined, in any way possible. They don't realize that certain things are not weighed in numbers, profit or convenience. There are some things which are much more important, much more valuable than someone else can understand except the person who has seen how those things were built. Heck, people even pass remark on tears. True that one has to be strong but what most don't understand, waking up every day, with the realization that those mom and dad,  who were your world, who were your strength, even though you see them everywhere, but they are not actually visible anywhere, it's bloody excruciating. 

Not sure what to say anymore. Later.