When You Just Say Nothing....

Imagine, you are a young kid. It's Diwali and you are at home. You, like all the kids of your age, want to play with crackers, have sweets. But you see something and you become quiet. You distract your sibling and you just start doing something else. Imagine that you are standing outside a shop, watching behind the glass window, a toy car. You know you want one, you really want one. You open your mouth to say that and then, you just go quiet. You buy an actual car, but still, the pain of not been able to get that car, not even for a moment, still remains with you. Imagine, that one fine night, you are in your room, at a hotel. You have just finished your day work, had dinner and now, you are playing music on your laptop. And next day, you are on a flight, for a journey that you don't want to end. You don't want to go to that very place where you are ready to go all the time. You are told not to cry and you pledge you won't. At least, not in front of anyone. You learn to turn your face away, wipe your eyes and then be like it's all good. Sounds easy eh? May be, it is, after a while at least. All of a sudden, you are now, no longer someone who can shirk away from anything. You got to do cos there is no one else who is supposed to do. 

And you do. 

You keep on doing, even knowing when some things are not correct. You whine, you complain, you get angry but then again, you do for the sake of those who matter. At least, if those who matter, are happy with what they asked you to do, it brings some solace at least. But what if you are told when some time, you say, that's not correct, let's not do this. And you are told, heck, you are showing tantrums. You turn around for support and from the other side, you are told, yeah why you would do, knew it you won't. You get angry, furious and you mention  that you are angry and you are told, yeah, it's your usual affair. You got to chill, take a chill pill. 

Yes, it's good to be relaxed, not to take much or burden, not to think. But the only thing that hinders one doing all of this at times, is the awareness that it's you and none else. It's not that easy when you are the one who has to float the boat. Yes, a word of appreciation, however small it may be, feels good but such things you don't expect from your nears and dears. Accolades are for the world to give and receive. For the people who are family, who are in that very close circle, you don't expect a thanks, a word of appreciation, actually you don't expect anything. Cos for them, there is no second thought. When you see, forget the accolades, you are told, heck, you just show your tantrums. Had it someone else was alive, he would had get it done right away! And then it hits you. It hits you harder than one can imagine. Some time, you can't reply in the same manner cos you know, it's going to come back and bite you only. So you just suck it up. Does it not  feel bad? Yeah it does. But when you show the anger, frustration and then you hear, oh come on, it's nothing new coming from you, you are always grumpy. There is a subtle thing though. One doesn't  show his/her frustration/anger/grumpiness just like that. But seems like I said before, subtle is just that-subtle cos it doesn't make a noise. So it goes unnoticed.  

When you are the one who has to do something, despite that you get angry/frustrated/whatever, you hear a lot, knowing that it's not right, at times, you just still go ahead and do what's asked from you to do. Cos you know, doing may bring a word of appreciation, may be not, but not doing is to bring a lot of bitterness that don't want. You get angry many times, whine and crib. But more often than not, you know,  you are the oldest, lead and it's on you. Does it make you happy? At times, not even one bit. 

At times, you show your outburst. Some times you don't. Not cos you can't or you don't know what to say. But cos you know, It's not that you don't feel anything or it doesn't matter but because, when you will say it too, nothing good will come out of it.  That's why, more often, you just choose to say nothing.