Aman's Blog....

 Okay so before I am going to hear that I said I shall post in the weekend and I didn't, I know. I tried but it was just so busy. But I am trying. And this is just that. Me trying to keep up the updates. I am at the airport now. It's been rough two weeks. Though work wise, it was not so bad. The group of young guys and girls, I was working with, were really good. They were attentive, inquisitive and definitely friendly. In their own words, "these are the first two sessions, where we haven't fallen asleep not for a moment. You have been amazing". Thanks a lot for the kind words fellas. It's been amazing to travel and work with you guys after a long gap. Thanks for having me and hopefully, we meet again soon in some other program. So the tough part was the commute to the office and back. My ankle hasn't healed. And since I had to climb a bridge and then walk towards (and back) the office on foot, let's just say it was not easy. It's been easily aroun...

 

 Well, Hello? I am sure there are probably just a handful who still are here to read but anyways. I can't blame anyone else but me. And I can't come up with any excuse. I just didn't write. Not that there wasn't anything to share but there wan't any will. There wasn't any motivation to do so either. But let's put it to a stop and try to be regular here. I am not sure how much time it will take for me to be consistent here but let's see.  I am traveling right now. It's been after almost a gap of four years that I have come out for the same. It's still the same chaost but I guess, it's taking a little time for me to adjust to it. It's not a new place. I have been here MANY times before. In fact it's the same place where I dread to come. If you have been a regular here(or some time ago was), you should know which place it is. Anyway, it's been a week since I am here now. Just finished this week's work. There is a weekend now in f...

I have said it a lot of times. I am not a poet nor I claim to be. I just write, whatever crap I write, what I feel or am thinking. So before giving the comments that how crappy the poetry is, please keep this in mind. Here we go, गर बुझ भी गया चिराग-ऐ-हयात मेरा आब-दीदा ना होगा कोई , फ़क़त एक बेमाना सितारे के टूटने से फलक तन्हा नहीं हुआ करते! आब-दीदा — Teary Eyed चिराग-ऐ-हयात - Lamp of life फ़क़त - Just बेमाना - Insignificant फलक - Sky Aman….

I won't say that I am back. I don't know yet. But I have been thinking of getting back to my blog for a while. There are many sad/unhappy events that have happened in the last few months. Some people, whom I thought were friends, turned out to be "practical" and just like always, I couldn't see. But on the other side, bumped into someone nice as well. And of course, on a very extreme side, got infected from Covid. A lot, isn't it? I actually thought I shall write about something happy but maybe it's my luck or maybe I am not that "practical" or "woke" as others are, I happened to see something today that just made me so sad. That much that I couldn't shrug it off.  There is this family in the neighborhood. An elderly couple with their son and daughter-in-law and two teenage kids(boys). Uncle is now very old and is now suffering from memory loss and very bad health. That much that he is admitted from a week in the hospital. Aunty, wh...

 So yes, it's been a while. I know. And I also know that I have said it not just one time but quite a few times that I shall be consistent with the updates. No excuse except that I am just being lazy. There has been quite a few times where I thought I shall write about those moments. But then again, some thing or the other happened and a day or two passed. Once that happened, I just didn't care about writing any more. Not good, I know.  What a pity that the first post that I am writing for this year is not a happy one either.  Today, one of my friend lost his father. Though the old person wasn't feeling well from couple of years and was of 91, still his sudden demise came as a shock. I got the call and when I reached at my friend's place, it was just like memories coming back to me.  I reached at his place and for few minutes, I just sat outside. There were some other people too sitting and I sat with one of them. At this moment, usually no one speaks. So we all were...

 I know it's been a while. But unless you are not living under a rock, you must be knowing how devastating the last few months have been for the entire world. And it's not yet over, unfortunately. I shall write about some of the things in future posts. But in the meanwhile, here is another feeble attempt of mine to be a poet. I am not nor do I claim to be so don't judge, please.  And here is it's translation in English,  Now there is no night of separation, there are no moments of being together.  There is no one in whom I exist, nor anyone is within me.  I have learned the art of hiding the pains, In the ashes of tears, somewhere, a peal of lost laughter is left.  Nor there is any regret from the word and nor there is sorrow-filled mysef,  It's just my control on tears cos there are some more breaths that are left.  A ruined world of heart and constantly wet eyes is the only earning now left,  No sorrowful or comforter is now left with Aman!...

 It's been a day of hearing heart wrenching news. I got a message from one of my friends who is also works in a very senior position that she has lost her mother. A while ago, it was her dad that she had lost. Another friend I messaged to check his well being. He lost his dad 17 years ago. Still, even after all these years, the pain, the sadness was just that.  Then the news came of demise  of legendary Punjabi singer  Sardool Sikander . He has been one of the most renowned singers, came from a very esteemed musical clan. That news struck as a jolt. All of his songs are so so good- saadian paran to sikhi uddna,  teeran da ki karna , nazran ton gir gayi ,tera likh du safedian te naa ,maut v ni aauni ,jinna de roop ne sohne . One of his songs that I made my mom listen to a lot was  This was one of my favorite songs. Sardool sang this song from Heer's perspective that how she is saying that she won't leave her Ranjha at any cost. Song's first line is that Heer...

 I am in a lot of thoughts lately, and today wasn't any different. But today, to turn my anger knob to it's highest level, two people came to my home today. They didn't do anything else but they knocked on the main door and started shouting, where is our sister? They were referring to my mom. I didn't recognize any of them but I did come out and asked what's the matter. One of them mentioned an old neighbor of mom whom I did remember from childhood. He mentioned he has his grand-daughter's wedding coming up and he has come to seek some help from mom. Hmm so here were two people, who never did bother to check on mom's health, never did contact her and today, suddenly, they needed help from their "sister"-sister who is not here anymore and they didn't even know that. I was just so furious. Not only I did show them how I am when you come and try to take advantage of my mom's helping nature but also, you try to show your bloody false affection ...

Some time, some things just leave you sad, even more so than you already feel.  Today, one of my mom's very old friend came all of a sudden to visit her. She had lost contact with mom. Today, she came looking for her. I had a vague memory of her as last I saw her was about 25 years ago. She had also changed a bit now. Age had hit her too but not that much. I told her about mom and she was taken aback by the news. She wanted to leave but I asked her to come inside and sit for some time. We sat for around 2 hours. So many things she mentioned about mom. If you don't know my mom, she was just so well respected everywhere. She was just so good and I am not saying cos she is my mom. She gave her the best. She used to go to a different city and had to reach at 8am. She would wake up at 4am, get everything done and she would reach on time. Same she inculcated in me as well. I am not even 1% of how good mom was. Aunty cried so much remembering her. After so long she came and she couldn...

Some time, when one is quiet, doesn't show his pain ,tears, how grief stricken he is, most people think that he is just fine. At time, when one says something, it's perceived as playing a victim card. Even considered as a "story".  I got a message for the  last post  of mine which went like this," who has time to read such a long story." Well, simple answer is that none has and certainly one shouldn't read. In fact, I did mention that you don't need to read as it's a long post and certainly not a happy post. It was not about any story and if you have the audacity to say to one who wrote something while being in tears, with his entire self shattered into pieces, then please, don't read a random person's random post/story/whatever. There are certainly better things to do in the world, at least better than reading about how it feels when one has lost his mother. Like I said, you can't understand someone's grief, pain for the very sim...

This moment came earlier too in my life.  Though I knew it's coming again but like I always said, nothing can prepare you for some moments, I wasn't prepared the first time. And then the moment came, did hit and shattered me. Same thing happened again. Again, the moment came and has now shattered whatever the rest of me was left.  I tried to write but stopped several times. Some time, I just couldn't find any words. I had been trying to write in bits and pieces. At times, I couldn't write a single word without my eyes being filled with tears.  Last time, it took me much longer to write cos I had to take care of my mom at home, had to ensure that no one, especially she, would see me in tears while writing. That's why I had to wait for the travel to come to be alone. But this time, it's different. I don't need go for a travel to find a lonely place to write and most importantly, I don't have anyone now to look over that anyone shouldn’t see me crying. I am...