Friday, January 15, 2010

Upset, Sad, Shattered….

I tried to sleep but I can’t. Those few who know me well, they are aware about this that’s its not a new thing to be heard for them. I don’t know whether its right or not to say because someone said to me that its too early to mention it but I feel, this year has not started well. I may be wrong but that’s what the feeling in my heart is at the moment and I am so wishing that this must be incorrect because am running out of energy to face things I am facing already!

I visited a  friend of mine today. I called him last night to ask what’s going on his side because I was smelling something fishy cooking and despite wishing so hard that it must not come true, it did come! I won’t post any information about my friend so don’t bother asking me it and I can’t mention at all what has actually happened as well because its so very personal! But I still can say one thing that when he told me over phone what happened and who did it, after hearing that, I couldn’t stop my tears and my anger was on its top level. The one who did it all, she has no remorse, regret and is not even ashamed of herself but has guts to justify her acts with a stupid reasoning which would not make sense even if she would shout it from the top most building of this world! But despite all of it, she is not ready to accept that she is wrong and neither anyone else from her side! She has done that damage which she could and the helplessness that I cant punish her for her deeds is killing me! I wish I could write it all here but I cant because I dont want to add to my friend’s agony and pain anything more!

I spoke to one other friend of mine after a long time, (let’s call him “ S”) who has lost himself completely, thanks to his gal who very “easily” broke her heart, found someone else and now is getting married to him! S is crushed! While talking to me today over phone, I guess, almost in every 2 minutes he was stopping to make sure that he won’t cry in front of me! But I could feel a lump in his throat all the time. I didn’t know what to say to him except this that don’t cry! I wanted to say that it would be fine but it sounded like a white lie and I just couldn’t say it at all! Its never going to be fine with him I know for sure!

I don’t have words to explain what’s going on inside me.All I can say that today,  being sad, upset and shattered is something which took over me completely and I can’t see any way out from their grip at the moment as well!

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