Aman's Blog....

I am sitting here in my session room. Finally, this week is also finished and as I said, I am not feeling so happy about it. Some how, I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be a smooth ride at all and that’s the same which happened. Right from the travel to the hotel and now, even to the session, anything and everything was a bumpy ride. I am sitting here in my room alone now trying to spend some time alone with myself and also trying to think about everything(and writing it here too) and as I said, I am not feeling so happy. To be honest, I am feeling so damn angry! For this week’s session, I had to come to Singapore(where I am right now). Besides the long flight, I was having another two week’s session at Banglore. My flight was supposed to fly from Delhi to Singapore in the morning 7am. Now, whenever this is the case that I have to travel in the morning, I never can get to sleep. You may call it extremely stupid but I always think that I may not wake up and shall miss the flight. So I ...

Its been three weeks that I am on the roads and haven’t got  a chance to go back to my home even for a day. Moreover, those who are frequent here , they must have noticed that I am not writing much as well. Well, there is a reason for it and that is that I am actually feeling super lost in many many thoughts and worries. I wish I could put them across here but I can’t and to make things more complex, I have had a really busy time in the past 3 weeks. But all said and done, I am feeling happy, in fact quite happy today and that’s why I decided that I shall be sitting and writing about it. Hopefully, I shall be more consistent in writing from now on, at least I shall try for sure to do so. I just have come back after finishing this week’s session. Its the same module which I took last week as well at a different location. I always say that for me, its very important to know that how I have performed in my session. Many people do tell me that I shouldn’t be much worried about myself...

Its been more than a month that I have written anything. In case anyone remembers, I had my birthday on the 22nd of January and I thought I shall write about it and mention it on that day but there was a lots of tension (and still there is) at home at that time so I just dropped the idea. Though it was a day filled with so much of (silent) chaos, two friends of mine made my day. One ordered and sent for me a cake at my home in the mid night and another brought a cake for me to cut at home. I can’t say enough thanks to both to make me , mom and my sister smile despite all the tensions and bad things happening. And I also can’t say enough thanks to all those many friends of mine who did send me their wishes through various other methods. Thank you so much guys. Its you only who keep me going in the tough times and I can just say this thanks to you, that’s all! And to show the proof that I was really happy, here is the link for the pictures taken at that time. Yes, its me covered comple...

So an another year is on the verge of being over and another new year is knocking on the door. Its that time of the year again to say goodbye to the old one and welcoming the new one with the open arms with a hope that it would bring a lot of happiness, success and good health for all of us. I am not feeling well at the moment, thanks to a stupid driver who knocked me off over the road while driving his car and talking over his cell phone. Anyways, that’s not a very new thing to happen with me isn’t it ? This year, 2011, has given me some joys and memories which I shall cherish all of my life. I can’t say that how happy  I was in the month of May when my sister got married! God has been kind to all of us that she has got to such a good family. But at the same time, this year has given me the worst of the pains and cries as well, something for which I can’t do anything except just keeping myself quite and pretending to act strong. Not just for me, but this year has given to all in...

I just read the below line and it just shook me up! How can one write in such few words such a pain, that’s just beyond my imagination! Have a read, Usne ponchhe hi nahin ashq meri aankhon se, Maine khud ro kar bahot der hasaya tha jise! And its meaning in English is, She didn’t wipe tears off from my eyes, for whom I cried so much to make her smile! Yes, that’s a hard, painful truth of this life and of the people of this world! In this world, people have no time to care about someone else’s happiness, smiles, pains or tears because its actually important and required to be “practical” for them to achieve their own goals first, make their own dreams of a better career, study in abroad etc to come true. Anything and anyone else doesn’t matter in all this!

I started writing this post in my last visit to Thailand, which happened few days ago. I still couldn’t finish it. So whenever  I could sit for some time, I tried to write and finally, brought the post to an end. I haven’t checked it for any typos and/or other mistakes. I shall finish the reading of it again some other time and shall do any corrections too if needed. I am sitting here in my class room at Oracle’s Thailand office at Crowne Plaza after finishing my session, wondering what I should be feeling, happiness that I finished the session with EXTREMELY good rating or sad since thinking that I won’t be able to share the news with my dad like I always did today(and ever) . Just the same thing that I have in my mind for the year 2011, not sure should I be happy about it or should I mark it as one of the saddest years of my life, a year in which my dad has left me and my family for forever and has gone to that God whom he prayed and worshipped all his life, who didn’t even g...

This is a test post

I just happened to read the below two lines and right away, it just hit on my heart so hard that I immediately thought to share them right away. Have a read, Us ki khwahish thi ke meri aankhon mein paani dekhe, Main us waqt se aansuon ka sailab liye firta hoon!   And its translation in English is, She had a wish that she could see water in my eyes, I wander around carrying an ocean of tears since that time!   Nothing to say, nothing to add except one word, awesome or may be two, true !

Its been quite some time that I have mentioned any song over here. To be honest, I didn’t bother about any since the past few days. Though there has been a burst of new songs all the times but there is one which I really liked. I have felt so often that when you are sad and all broken from inside, all of a sudden you hear something which somehow expresses very closely what you are feeling and also, makes you sit and think millions of the thoughts. The same happened with just now when I heard the latest song from Amrinder G ill (you can also check this wikipedia link ) Judaa ! I saw a promo of it over a music channel and after that, I was so keen to listen the complete song and was blown away when I did hear it! Amrinder Gill needs no introduction. I have met him personally over Bombay airport couple of years back and had spent about 2 hours. Besides being a very good singer, he is a very simple human being as well. I have already mentioned his song Afwah in this blog post . The song...

I am sitting at my home at the moment. Last night had been so very tough, more than I can express. I am not sure that why life has to be so tough, what’s so wrong I have done with anyone, to that god that he has opened a box full of troubles/issues for me and it seems, he has just completely forgotten about doing so too! I am not writing often at the moment. If you are  a regular here, you would  have an indication that things are not all well by my side. Actually, that’s a pretty simplistic statement to make. The more appropriate statement would be that at moments, I am just unable to handle what’s going on? As I had mentioned already somewhere, I have got a draft post lying in my folder which would tell the reason of my of current state. Though I had started writing it few days back when I left out for a travel . I have written few words but I think I have left more than I have said. I, somehow, can’t sit and complete that post in one go. Yes, I am trying but every time, I...

I believe, it won’t be any new thing if I shall mention that I am not feeling well, both physically and mentally. People are coming and telling me that God gives tough times to test your strength and patience and after tough times only, good times come. Well, I am not sure that I am anymore willing to know the results of this so called test of God because I believe, in my case, he is conducting this damn test from last 30 years and I yet have to see either the result of it or the arrival of so-called “good times” . Rather than these two, I just wish I can meet God and can ask him some questions whose answers are long due with him and I am sure, he will be having tough time to explain the answers. Though I am not in a good mood at all but still, this post is not going to be about either the upset mood of mine or about the reason(s) behind it. I have started writing it already in my last travel. I couldn’t complete it at that time because it was becoming impossible for me to control my...

I am sitting here in front of the system from more than an hour now. All I have done so far is to write about 3-4 lines and then deleted them and rewrote them again, that’s all! Somehow, am just not able to do two things, one, find the right words to put across and second, stop the tears which just start dropping, at the start of the first sentence even and I can’t cry, haven’t at all even when I want to so very very much, still didn’t cry at all! Reason? Because I am at home right now and I can’t make the conditions more worse than what they are right now with me showing tears in my eyes. I promised myself that I won’t cry just for this very reason only and that God(if he is there anywhere in real, some thing which I really doubt about now) is my witness if none else that I truly didn’t and neither have talked/shared with anyone what is going on in my mind and heart and how much upset, sad and broken I am feeling, even haven’t said this that just give me shoulder to rest my head and l...

I haven’t posted anything on my blog since last 22 days. Even when I do, its not some world changing thoughts but snippets of my thoughts and excerpts of my life. I have got some emails from few readers asking me that since there is no update, am I alright and is everything fine by my side? Well, first of all, I never did know that there would be few people from around the world, who would even notice this for a blog like mine and would be concerned about my well being! All I can say is thanks for showing this much concern, it means so much to me! And about me being okay, I am not sure about that but yes, I am still alive and hopefully soon enough, I shall update the blog with the reason of my silence but not sure when, to be honest!

I am sitting here in my hotel room right now. Its weekend and though yesterday, I was at my friend’s place, I came back to my hotel as I had to finish an exam which would be conducted for the delegates after the end of the session. Since morning, I had been working on it and its over now. I am personally not in favor of such exams and that too right after the end of the session but since its a boot camp program, a test is mandatory to know the progress that the delegates has made. Hope they would be doing good in it and as I told them, I haven’t made it an easy one. Hope the delegates won’t curse me after seeing it! They are really good and its so good to see such bright individuals starting their careers and what more better can be than being with them, even just for a while in the starting of this long journey contributing a little from my side with whatever little I know, isn’t it! Since I am done with the preparation of the test, there is nothing much to do at the moment for me. ...

Yes, its Dussehra a.k.a Vijayadashami today and I wish to all who would be celebrating it with their family, friends and colleagues. Have a great time today, lots of sweets and enjoy. Unfortunately, I am traveling and miles away from my home sitting all alone here so there is nothing much that I can do except going for a coffee(having it too much now a days I guess) and may be watching some movie(s) on tv when will be back in my hotel room. And the worst part, I can’t see much of the celebrations happening here as well. I guess I must stop the whining now and get back to work. Once again, happy Dussehra to all of you!

Its the day when this world has lost an inventor, a genius, someone who truly changed the world by his inventions. someone whose ideology I follow by heart like millions others of this world. This is the sad day when we have lost Steve Jobs , a loss that is never going to be filled by anyone else. Rest and peace Steve Jobs and be assured that you are going to be missed by this entire world! There is nothing that can be said to describe how great Steve Jobs was but still, this article depicts the best of his life and about him, have a read. http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2011/10/jobs/all/1

I was supposed to do some shopping for several incoming festivals (not for me though) yesterday. Since I am leaving today, I had to finish this task before starting the travel. I know couple of store’s managers (out of which few are friends too) , so this small shopping task serves two purposes, I get to meet them and also get some good stuff as they help me in telling that what I should buy and what not. I was supposed to buy different types of clothes so I went to couple of stores. After getting done from the rest of the shopping, I went to one last store to look for some casual wear. The sales manager lady there is my friend . In fact, the entire staff is very good to me.  They always tell me that they are so delighted when I come there and that’s NOT because I buy tons of stuff. Those who know me, they are aware about this that its very rare that I shall be showing a sad face irrespective of how much upset or sad I may be and I was(still am) very upset yesterday. Its very diffi...

There are so many things that I want to do and there are so many wishes that I have in the heart but, not for me, for others! For me, I don’t want anything, don’t wish anything except one thing which I want to happen ASAP but despite trying twice for it, I couldn’t get it for me. Anyways, leaving me aside, there are certain things about which I haven’t told to anyone  but I really hope that I would be able to get them done before I close my eyes for forever. What are those wishes,  I won’t mention but they all mean so much to me. And may be because I really wished about it so much, I finally got a chance to do a small bit of it! My friend Porus Homi Hawevala is involved in lots of charities and is associated with lots of charities and NGO’s. He suggested to donate some money to open a bore-well, an effort done by an NGO Chaitanya Educational and Rural Development Society . They open these bore-wells and quench the thirst of some 30 families in small villages which otherwise...

There is a lot of good stuff that people say about women, gals and with all due respect to women, gals, I am sure it must be true! But when it comes to guys, all what I hear most is just the bad stuff. I myself had posted a blog post about secrets about guys which gals must know . I just received the below text in the email and I think its really a good write-up. That’s why I thought I shall share it here. Have a look and read, I believe, each and every word of is so true! Its rare that a guy would ever reveal what he has really done for any one, especially for his gal but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserves respect! Guys cry too, its just that they don’t do it like gals but while sitting alone in the corner of their hiding their face or while sitting on a bench in a park all alone! Yes, guys have emotions too, remember it!

I have reached but not at my home. There has been a change of plan as I am stuck up in the mid of few planned but not-yet-scheduled programs. And because of it, I decided to stay at Delhi at my friend Sidhu’s place. There is a vacation trip that Sidhu, Ankit , Neeraj and Vaibhav are going to and I so want to join them but not sure that whether it will happen or not. Anyways, I just had my breakfast and after checking emails and other stuff, will look out what’s going to happen finally, hope it would happen in the way we all want!