Saturday, November 26, 2011

Yet Another Rant? May Be….

I am sitting at my home at the moment. Last night had been so very tough, more than I can express. I am not sure that why life has to be so tough, what’s so wrong I have done with anyone, to that god that he has opened a box full of troubles/issues for me and it seems, he has just completely forgotten about doing so too!

I am not writing often at the moment. If you are  a regular here, you would  have an indication that things are not all well by my side. Actually, that’s a pretty simplistic statement to make. The more appropriate statement would be that at moments, I am just unable to handle what’s going on? As I had mentioned already somewhere, I have got a draft post lying in my folder which would tell the reason of my of current state. Though I had started writing it few days back when I left out for a travel. I have written few words but I think I have left more than I have said. I, somehow, can’t sit and complete that post in one go. Yes, I am trying but every time, I am sitting to do the same, my good and old friends tears immediately come knocking the corner of my eyes. May be they know this that Aman won’t cry in front of anyone but only when he is all alone and when he is sitting alone, its just these tears who share his loneliness and pains. Though these tears are gifted to me by that god, from those whom I never even thought getting them in my dreams too, all of these tears share a great unity and never fail to be with me. May be they have no one else to go to or may be, they know this that though Aman acts so strongly and shows that he is just so tough, at times, he is also just like anyone else in this world, a guy who gets upset, who gets hurt and who does cry!

Many think that I am so strong and nothing effects me. Yes may be that’s an expression that I leave so often but still, why all forget a simple fact that I am a human being too who has a heart that can be broken, who has the same like all which may get tears. I might be having tons of tensions on my mind and just because I don’t talk about them with anyone, it doesn’t mean that I am careless, heartless or emotionless.  Its just that I don’t mention my pains and what’s going inside of me, at least not so often and not to anyone. As I just said, I do feel pain, become upset and angry and get tears in my eyes but I let that happen only when I am alone. Its just so ironic that despite that I have got the gifts of pains, tears and cries only from all, I still haven’t learnt how to kick these damn tears away. And that’s the reason that despite that I really want to get that post completed, I simply run out of words at times because I am unable to bear the pain while writing it. If you know me well enough, you must be aware that just because I show the smiles or try to make all happy, it doesn’t mean that I am happy and smiling truly. May be, I am far more sad and broken than that (false) happiness which I show all the time. If I am being silent, it doesn’t mean that I know and understand nothing and just having fun. I have been silent and not saying much, just wishing that somehow, I could put my silence in the post which could express what is going on inside of me but technology has not gone to that level yet. I just hope that I am able to find the appropriate words and shall finish that post soon, may be doing so may lift a little pain from my heart. I just hope it happens, I just so hope!


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