At times, when you need something so desperately and you don't get it, only that can understand what it feels like who have experienced it. After a long, extremely tiring day, with a bad health, how much sleep can help, its something which can't be explained. But unfortunately, sleep and peace are among those few things which nothing and no one can get for you even if you are the wealthiest person of this planet! I certainly am not the wealthiest person so I am not saying it for myself but isn't it same for those people who really have that much of wealth? Just like that being in crowd doesn't mean that one is not alone and sitting all by yourself doesn't mean that you are alone! No, its not a tongue in cheek. Its really true, just depends how much one did understand this statement.
I am not having a good time. Though the delegates are very nice, intelligent and cooperative, still the complexity of the module, tiredness that I have accumulated from constant , several weeks of travel and on top of all, my own health not being well, all of these are making somehow the entire thing a real rough ride for me! I want to sleep so desperately at this moment when I am writing this post but there is no sleep in the eyes. I am feeling so much pain but even after having the pain killer, its not showing any signs of going anywhere far from me! And to make things much more worse, the endless painful thoughts are coming in mind! I am not sure what to do at the moment, how to get some sleep and rest which I desperately need at this moment since I need to look fresh tomorrow! But not sure why, where and how sleep, rest and peace have managed to skill all the routes just towards me! Wish, I could just had a power off button which I could press for 15seconds and shut the entire thing off! That would had come real handy right :-) !
So if I am not able to sleep, any guesses what I am doing then? Yes listening music and reading poetry collection of mine! Just read two pieces of poetry and felt like sharing them here. Both are in Hindi but I shall explain the meaning in English as well in a while. First, the Hindi version,
Jitni shiddatt se mujhe usne jakhm diye hain Faraz,
Itni shiddatt se to maine use chaha bhi na tha!
And here is its meaning in English,
With the intensity she gave me all wounds,
I even didn't love her with that intensity!
And here is the second, a bit long one with its Hindi version,
Mujhe aazmaane waale, mujhe aazma k roye,
Meri daastaan-e-hasrat suna suna k roye!
Teri bewafaion par, teri kaj adaion par,
Kabhi sar jhuka kar, kabhi munh chhupa kar roye!
Jo suani anjumann mein shab-e-gham ki aapbeeti,
Kabhi ro k muskraye, kabhi muskra k roye!
Main hun be-watan musafir, mera naam bekasi hai,
Mera koi bhi nahin jo gala laga k roye!
Mere paas se guzare mujhe undekha kar k,
Main yeh kaise maan lun k wo duur ja kar roye!
And here is the meaning of it in English,
Those who wanted to test me, after testing me they cried,
While reciting my tale, every moment they cried!
At times on your betrayals, at time on your unfaithful attitude,
I cried some time with my head down, some time covering my face!
When I depicted my tale of the sad night,
Smiled some times after crying, some times cried after smiles!
I am no one, my name is curse,
There is no one whom I can hug and cry!
She passed by side without even looking at me,
How can I believe she did cry after going at some distance!
I have no words to add to what the above is saying. There is a lot that's said already in both of the above poetries. I guess, I should go to bed and wait to see if I can catch some sleep because my work is not over yet. Hope at least sleep shows some kindness and shows up!