Friday, July 17, 2009

Once Again The Same....

Its almost going to be 11 hours since morning that I am sitting in front of the pc and trying to occupy myself in complete time wastage activities. I should had gone and had my lunch and probably had some sleep too because I couldn't sleep last night as well. But rather than doing that, I am sitting over here, writing this blog, trying to find out something(anything) to do which eventually can make me forget that how much tense, upset and lonely I am feeling at the moment(yes again)! I should be sleeping , you may say, so let me tell you that I did try this, in fact I am trying to do this since last many years but somehow, sleep doesn't seem to find a way to my eyes.

So what are the things which are making me upset? Unfortunately, there isn't one but many which are happening simultaneously at the moment. There is something which just happened few hours before. I am not sure what I am supposed to do? Some things are just not in my control and all I can do is just sit and watch them happening and pray that all would turn out to be good somehow someway. There are certain things happening in the family. I wish I could write about them over here but I can't and I really wish I could go and tell, share them with someone but that also is not the option for me because all the people are just too much busy and have nearly no time to listen. At times, you need someone who can just say that don't worry, its all going to be fine. All you want is to hear is those words only and its not all from whom we want to listen. That place is given to just some very few and special people. Its just from them only when these words, they act as like the best healing and empowering force. And yet, its just from them only when it  doesn't come, it hurts the most and in the most painful manner. And this is the reason for feeling lonely and upset too. Not sure what to say, what to write. It hurts to see that even when you are hurt, not feeling well and there is nothing right around you,  still all this doesn't qualify to come under the category of "what's new" ? It hurts to find those people saying that they are extremely busy for which you never look at the face of watch, doesn't matter what happens!

I am reading these lines since morning while reading some stuff which I have stored in the compact disks. These are in Punjabi and I shall explain their meaning in English in a while. Have a read.

Asin saahan to wadh ohnu chaheya c,
Par oh marjani aapne aap vich khoyi e,

Nede hundeyan v ohne puchheya saada haal nai,
Ki kariye j ohnu eh kardian dekh fer v akh royi hai!

And its meaning in English is,

I loved her more than my life,
But she was lost in herself always!

Despite being close, she never asked how am I,
What can I do that still there are tears seeing her doing so!

I guess, I must go and sit at that place where I go when I am the most upset. Its been a while since I have gone and sat there and I don't think that there can be any other day and moment better than today to go over there!

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